By means of introduction...

My good (and very pregnant) friend Tina decided I needed a blog to record all my thoughts and feelings throughout the duration of my pregnancy. She even went to the trouble of signing me up for this thing. I hate to disappoint, so here goes...

What are my thoughts and feelings about being pregnant? I've decided to fast forward through the first 23 weeks (I'm 24 weeks along today), as there is nothing major to report from them except for an extreme amount of shock, terror, and physical misery. I lost fifteen pounds in the first trimester and actually thought on more than one occasion that I might be dying of some horrific disease.

As soon asI discovered this was not the case, I began working again and have kind of kept my nose to the grindstone ever since. In all honesty, I don't often sit to reflect about exactly how I "feel" about my situation right now, because I can't afford to fall apart every two minutes. Some call this denial. I call it focus. I have days that hurt like hell and days when I cannot possibly describe the intensity of the joy I feel in looking to the future.

To cover the basics and to satiate a great deal of curiosity:

1.) I am unsure of the amount of involvement the baby's father will have. At this point, it's looking like the answer will be "minimal." I'm working hard to avoid confusing hope with naivete and would appreciate prayer as I do this. I continue to feel love toward the baby's father, but I have to act in the best interest of my child despite how I feel. It's a sticky situation, and I don't have exact answers as of yet.

2.) I have no idea where I'm going to live. My friend and I are actively looking for a home to rent somewhere in Tacoma. It needs to be a place we can afford that will accomodate her sizeable dog and work with our not so excellent credit history. This could also use prayer. I'm hoping to be settled with plenty of time before the baby arrives.

3.) Yes, I am excited. I'm finally allowing myself to say that. There are those who would prefer that I walk around for the rest of my life in contrite humility with my proverbial tail between my legs as a visible demonstration of my repentance. Know that I have spent a substantial amount of time grieving my decisions and talking to God about my future. If He says I am forgiven, I might as well act like it and "forget what is behind, pressing on to the goal."

I will probably revisit in some detail these things I briefly mentioned in this starter blog. A girl's gotta start somwhere, though, and this will have to suffice. That's all for now.

K